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Archive for February, 2010

i’ve been putting off writing this for a long time but i feel like i should get it done so its out there so i can think about other stuff like taking care of day to day shit.  which to be honest is really getting hard since im pretty depressed about this whole thing which is to be expected i guess but its weird how it just sorta hit me all the sudden the other day that: hey yeah thats weird how ive been sleeping all the time and eating nothing but garbage and cant stay interested in anything at all so i sit and stare at reddit or message boards all day and wasnt i doing better than this just a few weeks ago??

Lang’s got cancer.  we got the biopsy results a week ago and its malignant.  i dont remember what the vet called the kind of tumor he has but its supposedly really aggressive and the prognosis (while variable) is about 3 months.  The outlook for dogs with nosebleeds is generally worse.  We might be able to buy another month or so and keep him comfortable with a chemotherapy drug and an anti-inflammatory but she said when they go downhill it goes really fast.  Chad’s been reading that there are dogs that live with this for years.  he’s researching all kinds of herbal remedies and calling about different possible medications.  we’ll see.

i think the worst most unfair part of all of this is that otherwise… other than horrible thing growing in his head that will eventually kill him (indirectly since it will almost certainly fall to me to kill him first)… otherwise he is in perfect health.  except for the nosebleed.  which stopped after the surgery but started again last weekend.

So the rugs are up again and i have found this miracle spray that removes blood from everything (i swear to god this stuff is like magic) and we got a couple baby gates to keep him contained in about half the house and now checking for blood and cleaning it up and not getting dressed for work until the exact second you walk out the door has become part of our new “normal” routine around here.

Which i know is weird.  i was telling all this to my hair cutting guy and he was just like: omg why don’t you just put him to sleep?

we had friends over last night for dinner last night and they were horrified by the blood and constant cleaning.  they didnt say anything but they looked SO uncomfortable and poor Lang was so excited to see them but we couldnt let him out of the part of the house we sectioned off and he bled everywhere and gosh even when they left through the back door they saw the whole patio out there literally looks like someone was ambushed and had their throat cut (the meter guy is probably going to call the cops on us) and seeing it through someone else’s eyes just made me think oh god oh god please i hope we are doing the right thing.

but i couldnt i can’t put him to sleep right now knowing that otherwise he is a healthy happy guy who loves treats and walks and laying on the couch and taking eva to school and playing ball in the backyard and begging for scraps when i chop veggies.  when he doesnt like those things anymore then we can talk.  the vet said that eventually the tumor will grow to the point that it will constrict the nasal cavity and the nosebleeds will stop.  i dont even know what to do with that information or how to feel about that.

in the meantime its just a little blood.

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This week:

we also have girlscouts and gymnastics and WALKING WITH THE FREAKING DINOSAURS tomorrow so there’ll probably be a few leftover and beenie-weenie nights for quick easy can we please just go one night without anyone complaining about how they dont really like what i cooked.

I’ve been taking leftovers for lunch (or just being lazy and going to the cafeteria) but its too much heavy food and starting to make me feel like poo so I’m going back to my favorite: fake bento.  which is pretty much just a bunch of snacks crammed in a box.  I have adorable bento boxes that I’ve been collecting over the years but i’ve found that a good leakproof sandwich container works great – especially if you use little silicone cupcake liners to separate out the contents.

I try to have one thing from each category plus one more fruit and/or veggie and pack the box FULL:

  • Protein: nuts, hard boiled egg, nut butter, cottage cheese, cheese cubes or a babybel, yogurt
  • Fruit: 1/2 of an apple, pear, or orange; grapes, berries, dates, etc
  • Veggiescarrots, celery, cherry tomatoes, edamame, broccoli, leftovers (greens/asparagus/etc)
  • Grainsrice balls, whole wheat or wasa crackers, sesame sticks, granola maybe?

It doesn’t look like a huge amount of food, but it is filling and satisfying and probably good for you?  Better than chicken fingers, french fries, and a cup of brown gravy to dip everything in which was an actual lunch i had last week (-_-;).  ALSO you can snack on stuff all day and don’t have to feel guilty about breaking into your lunch at 10:30 if you want because youre just going to grab a teeny bite.   i’ve tried to take pictures of my fake bentos before but the morning light is crap right now so id basically be taking pictures in the dark.  maybe ill give it another shot tho.

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you see i was getting geared up to make a soup the other day and i opened my freezer to see if i had a chicken carcass because if im going to make a soup i may as well go balls out and make a stock too right? and what did i find? a whole half a chicken.

now, i don’t remember when i put it there.  therefore: mystery chicken.  the internet told me that chicken is good frozen for 9 months to a year and i am pretty sure that it hasn’t been that long.  also growing up we had a chest freezer and used to get a whole hog from the farm once a year and i KNOW some of that stuff was in there forever and ever and none of us ever died so …

i thawed it out. and the skin definitely had some freezer burn, but the meat looked intact. so i said fuck it im going to make a stock anyway i mean worse case scenario it tastes funky and i have to toss it and use boxed stock but at least i tried and really what else am i doing today the weather is kinda crap and the only other real plans i have involve napping on the couch while i pretend to watch the olympics and maybe MAYBE taking a shower so its not like i cant fit it into my day.

(more…)

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so i woke up this morning and it was beautiful and sunny and i opened the blinds in the bathroom to peek out into the back yard and my freshly panted bed and the whole backyard is in shadow and im like boooo but i know this.  we have a shady backyard on the east side of the house.  itll be shady till like… may probably… when the sun is finally high enough to get over the laurel hedge on the south side of the yard.

and then it hit me.  i just put in late winter seeds.  but my beds dont have any sun yet.  crap.  BUT my summer veggie bed gets some sun now and gets the MOST sun in the summer and since im not planting till like may/june in that bed theres no reason not to start arugula and peas there since they’ll be ready to harvest when the other stuff goes in (THEORETICALLY ! ).  we’ll see which bed does better.

ALSO while outside i found my favorite flowering mystery shrub is flowering again!  this guy showed up last year and i have NO idea what it is or how it got here and my across the street neighbor friend has the SAME MYSTERIOUS SUDDENLY-APPEARING SHRUB and she ALSO doesnt know what it is!  exciting!   and lovely!

i found one thing i wasnt looking for though:

slug eggs.

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i had another post written here and i didnt like it so i am rewriting it.  it was grim and sarcastic and i already have an outlet for grim and sarcastic so instead im going to talk about stuff i unabashedly like:

I like this website where they post a free yoga routine video every week.  i have commitment and follow through problems with most things but exercise in any form is the worst mostly because although i like the IDEA of exercise i hate actually moving my body with any kind of effort for any longer than say… 10 minutes also having to wear special clothes and getting sweaty and having to use an entire hour.  but i guess i can say i hate yoga LESS than say running.  for one: i can wake up and do yoga in my pajamas.

i also like listening to my recommended station on the last.fm iphone application.  i set out to do the dishes today and ended up cleaning out the fridge and organizing a drawer just because i was listening to stuff id never heard before.

i like… not feeling guilty about being lazy in my meal planning:

  • chicken enchiladas (leftover shredded chicken from my chicken stock this weekend)
  • orecchiete with mushroom (add broccolini and chili flakes)
  • yakisoba (because it was so good the other week and i STILL have leftover cabbage)
  • tomato soup and grilled cheese (per eva’s request)
  • leftovers (whatever else is leftover)

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maybe I’m pushing my luck but i have just put in the first seeds of 2010.  ive looked it up.  a million times in a million places; there are some things you can definitely plan in february.  look although ive lived in the pacific nw for over a decade, i am still a midwestern girl at heart and this goes against everything ive ever known so bear with me and my neuroses ok?  here we go…

we put in our initial patches of arugula and peas as well as a small patch of radish.  nobody here is a huge radish fan im just excited to be growing stuff.  i think eva is just excited to be able to bust out her “gardening hat”.

when i turned in all the green manure i planted last year (im still not sure if that was worth doing or not – the beds that i overseeded are “fluffier” than the bare beds for sure but i wonder if putting that much raw organic matter into a small space is overkill?) i could not BELIEVE the number of fat worms i have populating my beds.

im so excited !!

in another couple weeks I’ll put in another round of peas and arugula and then we’ll be getting ready for march.  next weekend we’ll get the fence up and find a place for these blueberries.

woo go garden!

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a few weeks ago there was this lovely soup making the rounds. it was posted and reposted everywhere. the only thing NOT posted was the recipe. now i love deborah madison and ‘vegetarian cooking for everyone’ has my current favorite soup and and of course i was dying to try it but im not really in a position to buy a new cookbook right now. so i looked up another recipe and worked backwards from this vegan modified version and came up with this.  i don’t know how close it is to the original but its goooooood. (more…)

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