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Posts Tagged ‘sad times’

i’ve been putting off writing this for a long time but i feel like i should get it done so its out there so i can think about other stuff like taking care of day to day shit.  which to be honest is really getting hard since im pretty depressed about this whole thing which is to be expected i guess but its weird how it just sorta hit me all the sudden the other day that: hey yeah thats weird how ive been sleeping all the time and eating nothing but garbage and cant stay interested in anything at all so i sit and stare at reddit or message boards all day and wasnt i doing better than this just a few weeks ago??

Lang’s got cancer.  we got the biopsy results a week ago and its malignant.  i dont remember what the vet called the kind of tumor he has but its supposedly really aggressive and the prognosis (while variable) is about 3 months.  The outlook for dogs with nosebleeds is generally worse.  We might be able to buy another month or so and keep him comfortable with a chemotherapy drug and an anti-inflammatory but she said when they go downhill it goes really fast.  Chad’s been reading that there are dogs that live with this for years.  he’s researching all kinds of herbal remedies and calling about different possible medications.  we’ll see.

i think the worst most unfair part of all of this is that otherwise… other than horrible thing growing in his head that will eventually kill him (indirectly since it will almost certainly fall to me to kill him first)… otherwise he is in perfect health.  except for the nosebleed.  which stopped after the surgery but started again last weekend.

So the rugs are up again and i have found this miracle spray that removes blood from everything (i swear to god this stuff is like magic) and we got a couple baby gates to keep him contained in about half the house and now checking for blood and cleaning it up and not getting dressed for work until the exact second you walk out the door has become part of our new “normal” routine around here.

Which i know is weird.  i was telling all this to my hair cutting guy and he was just like: omg why don’t you just put him to sleep?

we had friends over last night for dinner last night and they were horrified by the blood and constant cleaning.  they didnt say anything but they looked SO uncomfortable and poor Lang was so excited to see them but we couldnt let him out of the part of the house we sectioned off and he bled everywhere and gosh even when they left through the back door they saw the whole patio out there literally looks like someone was ambushed and had their throat cut (the meter guy is probably going to call the cops on us) and seeing it through someone else’s eyes just made me think oh god oh god please i hope we are doing the right thing.

but i couldnt i can’t put him to sleep right now knowing that otherwise he is a healthy happy guy who loves treats and walks and laying on the couch and taking eva to school and playing ball in the backyard and begging for scraps when i chop veggies.  when he doesnt like those things anymore then we can talk.  the vet said that eventually the tumor will grow to the point that it will constrict the nasal cavity and the nosebleeds will stop.  i dont even know what to do with that information or how to feel about that.

in the meantime its just a little blood.

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a failed attempt at cupcake decorations turned homemade valentines for eva’s third grade class.  very cute.

C. and i dont celebrate valentines day.  we’re with liz lemon (sham created by card companies to reinforce and exploit gender stereotypes).  I will instead “celebrate” the day by making mushroom barley soup and maybe a loaf of bread if i magically get SUPER motivated.  also eva’s “boyfriend” is coming over to play.  which would be annoying if i didnt find it so darn adorable.

(*awkward transition*)

things are somber around here.  as of course any dummy could have guessed, a dog with a nosebleed for 5 days straight is creeping past “not normal” into “bad fucking news” territory.

in lang-dog’s case we have found it to be a tumor in his sinus cavity back by his eye.  we dont have biopsy results yet but regardless of the results theres not a whole lot to be done.

there’s also not much else to say about that.

yesterday we went to the yard garden and patio show and i was able to get the seeds im missing for this year’s garden including chantais melon which was exciting.  we also picked up a few pots of blueberries and looked at patio pavers too but honestly with dog medical bills major landscaping projects are likely on the back burner for now.   we’re also rethinking the fence we were going to run around the garden to keep out lang since well… we dont really know how permanent its going to have to be, if that doesnt sound horrifyingly morbid.

the rest of my weekend and likely the remainder of the holiday has been/will be spent lying on the couch with the big dog playing animal parade.

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cooking this week is going on the back burner (haw).

we’ve had a death in the family and c. is fying to iowa tomorrow leaving me to fly solo for the next few days with the girl.  its no thing; people do this all the time but cooking for a picky 9 year old is trying enough without having to scale recipes to 1.5 people.  So im sticking to things she likes:

  • macaroni and cheese
  • beans and rice + cornbread
  • … sushi train?

we’ll get back on track next week.

In other news i made another hat.  This wasnt even a hat for me or anyone really it was just a basic hat.  i kinda just wanted to see how fast i could crank it out (answer: less than a day. POW).

I used this pattern but messed it up (of c.).  When I read to knit for 5.5 inches, I took that as 5.5 inches PLUS the 2.5 rib – so i got like 8 inches in before i started decreasing. which means that i nearly ran out of yarn toward the top and had to do all the decrease rows one after another instead of knitting for 2 rows inbetween. So now its long and narrows abruptly giving it kindof a toque-ish feel which doesn’t look terrible on even if it isnt EXACTLY what was expected.

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